


Speedball

by MinYun



Category: K-pop, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Angst, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Anxiety Attacks, Bittersweet Ending, Character Death, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, Depressed Min Yoongi | Suga, Doctor Kim Seokjin | Jin, Drug Use, Drugs, F/M, Hurt Jeon Jungkook, Hurt Kim Namjoon | RM, Hurt Kim Seokjin | Jin, Hurt Kim Taehyung | V, Hurt Min Yoongi | Suga, Hurt/Comfort, Kim Seokjin | Jin is a Good Hyung, Kim Taehyung | V is a Little Shit, M/M, Min Yoongi | Suga is Bad at Feelings, Non-Explicit Sex, Non-Graphic Violence, Original Character(s), Other, Rape/Non-con Elements, Sex, Suicidal Thoughts, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-01
Updated: 2019-09-01
Packaged: 2020-10-04 22:53:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 9
Words: 8,195
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20478803
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MinYun/pseuds/MinYun
Summary: All Yoongi ever wanted was Taehyung.What he forgets is that he has always been afraid of him.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> **WARNIING**  
THIS FIC IN NO WAY DEPICTS THE PEOPLE DESCRIBED AND MENTIONED  
REMEMBER IT IS PURELY FICTION AND IS NOT THE TRUE NATURE OF THE PEOPLE MENTIONED.
> 
> **TRIGGER WARNING**  
SEX DRUGS ANXIETY ATTACKS NON CON  
THIS GOES FOR THE ENTIRE FIC. BE WARNED

There’s pressure in his face around his nose and cheeks. A pain behind his eyes that signal the start of a tearful night.

Fingernails bitten down to bloody nubs have never tasted as good as when the bubble of anxiety fills his chest. Blood salted fingers may be just enough to get him to the door but what of the ride home? On the over crowded train cabs with smoke and sweat on the air. Its still to cool outside to be without a jacket but far too hot to be bundled against other commuters. Leave this hell for another. Decisions decisions.

Yoongi always preferred public transport over his own chauffeur. The man who spills all his secrets to his parents for a few extra won. So when Yoongi goes to work its reported and when he goes to a bar its reported and when he buys his drugs its reported.

One hell for another.

The night is still young if 6:30 could actually be considered night in the middle of spring with its gaseous ball of fire still high and bodies bustling about as per the usual.

This hell or another?

It’s a small gathering that his parents had absolutely had to have on Yoongi’s twenty third birthday that Yoongi is currently trying to escape. The gifts were all expensive shiny trinkets that you give to the son of a billionaire who really wants for nothing. Actually this son of a billionaire just became a billionaire himself as his latest investment turned a massive profit which wasn’t something that Yoongi expected but he has no thoughts on the matter. All he knows is now he can afford the lifestyle he had grown accustomed to and he can do it without his father’s overwhelming presence at every turn. This was all him all his decisions had led to his first million being skipped over completely and stopped at billions.

The collar of his designer suite itched his neck and suddenly he is hyper aware of every thread that ensures his public decency and Yoongi thinks stripping down to his under things may not be a wise idea in the middle of this banquet hall but it will surely be more comfortable than this.

All eyes are on him and the sweat over his top lip is salty and his finger hurt and his lips are raw and that fullness in his sinuses is begging for release.

He expertly removes his hand from the hand of the girl in the sea green sequence dress which frankly reflected light poorly and gave off a weird tinge on her skin. She opens and closes her mouth a few times sputtering about Yoongi being rude before stomping off in her high heels. Overly processed silver hair like a cape behind her as she makes her grand exist gathering the eyes of a few by standers.

The sea of bodies press together and seem to be pressing tighter as Yoongi tries to get himself to the bathroom before the inevitable. It’s a long trip. The halls in this house are too big too long too wide but too small too cluttered too short and everything is tight and loose and he could feel his skin cells rubbing together the wrong way and his skeleton creaks as he tries to move.

Tries because he’s not even halfway to where he needs to be but he’s stuck on his knees and they hurt and the tiles are cold like his chest and in times like these Yoongi wishes he could give up everything to have the one thing he has always wanted and that….

Taehyung.

The first snowflake of a snow day soft and delicate quick to melt against warm palms and hot breaths yet it heralds a blanket too thick to be ignored too sure to be oppressed a mountain of cold that ensures hot cups of chocolate and cosy blankets no worries no cares just snow but warmth and that is what he is…. Was.

That is what he was.

Death would be less painful.

The harshness of the statement made him shudder the first time it entered his head but it became a known fact to him soon after because had he been dead Yoongi could understand but he wasn’t dead yet he had left him.

Death would have been less cruel.

Taehyung left.

And he did it often enough that Yoongi didn’t notice he was gone.

Taehyung leaves then he returns then he leaves and Yoongi thought it must be so nice to have vacations all the time like Taehyung did and sometimes it was a few weeks but sometimes it’s a few months now it had been a few years and Taehyung had never contacted him in the past and he didn’t now and Yoongi selfishly thought to himself every time he had _this_ happen to him that Taehyung dying would be better than this. Better than knowing he is out there probably neck deep in women and parties and fun. Perhaps he lives a different life with a house and a job and a child.

Yoongi knows he’s fine.

His parents just in the other room a part of the swarming wormy wave of bodies.

Taehyung is away but he’s fine and they will let him know he asked for him. Thank you Mr and Mrs Kim.

They refuse to say where he is but they smile fondly and Yoongi leaves them to his birthday party at his banquet hall with his parents and his friends celebrating his billions and he doesn’t want it.

He wants Taehyung.

Ugly sounds are escaping his gaping mouth and he couldn’t be bothered to inhale through his nose to clear his nostrils of snot and his hands are fisted in his hair pulling sharply at the roots as he curves his body into a ball right there on the floor.

His fingers itch for a smoke or a needle but the track marks are hard to see and the cigarette smoke is hard to smell when Taehyung was the one to get him on it in the first place.

The heady musk of Taehyung was 60 percent smoke and 30 percent woodsy cologne and 10 percent cookies because Taehyung loved bakeries. He would spend hours at the café just auditioning to become one of the overly sweet pastries sitting in the glass display case. Taehyung would have fit right in because Taehyung was sweet and flavourful and powder sugar coated from his large head to his manicured toes.

That’s enough of that.

Taehyung is elsewhere and Yoongi is here and he hadn’t reached out before and he will not reach out now and Yoongi is old enough now to not pine and he will move on and this is usually the speech he gives himself when he feels like _this_ and he wants for Taehyung but must remind himself that Taehyung is not his and will never be so Yoongi picks himself off the floor and heads to the bathrooms and washes his face and blows his nose and fixes his clothes and returns to the hell his parents had created.


	2. 2

2

Yoongi can’t help but feel like this is wrong. Not that the girl currently working at his reproductive organ is particularly bad at what she’s doing. It’s just that Yoongi checked out a while ago and she had been too high to notice too engrossed in her efforts to make his member harden for her and for all her efforts Yoongi has a lap full of spit and drool.

That girl is of course his girlfriend and she lives with him and she’s his secretary and she brings his laundry and lunch and schedules his appointments and sucks his dick and brings his drugs to him on days like _this_.

A day or two after his party Yoongi decided it was time to move and he did it quickly.

An apartment in Seoul with a balcony and fancy neighbours with larger than life careers and faces and names and Yoongi is a bit whelmed but he’s trying to settle in. His investments allow for him to not do much by way of working and his advisement is done via email so he is free to sit here with a tumbler of scotch in his hand and a mouth around his flaccid dick and the soft fibres of this girl’s hair tickling his thigh.

Yoongi grumbles as his phone vibrated against the wood of the coffee table. He would ignore it but Seokjin will not be ignored and maybe he just wants Yoongi to go to a bar with him to pass the night but more likely Seokjin wants to check up on him and its annoying and smothering but also cannot be helped because Seokjin had been Yoongi’s only real friend in high society and when he moved to Seoul he knew that Seokjin would have more excuses to drop by as he wasn’t able to when Yoongi lived in Degu.

It was a bit of both things. Seokjin wanted to go to the bar and pass the time while he kept an eye on Yoongi and his mental stability.

Yoongi wished he could be Seokjin. An elegant yet sturdy pillar carved from stone and marble and beautiful in its intricacy and solid as ever and will never leave where it is because its sole purpose is to keep that part of the room from caving and that was Seokjin to most people and it was Seokjin to Yoongi and he will never not be there and be worried about if Yoongi had eaten or if he was high or if he had sent out the emails and if he…. If

Taehyung was warm but not oppressive and he always knew when Yoongi needed him. He always came back just in time and maybe that was what Yoongi needed to do. To test the cosmic forces out there and endanger himself so that Taehyung would come back to him and Yoongi doesn’t know why he needs Taehyung now when it had already been years but he does know that he’s getting more and more desperate and Taehyung should come soon before it’s too late.

Yoongi is drunk or possibly high and he has to spend the night with Seokjin and he lays awake listening to Namjoon grunting as he plows into Seokjin’s ass relentlessly and he could be doing that too with his girlfriend but it’s still so wrong and it occurs to Yoongi that Seokjin hadn’t told Yoongi about him and Namjoon before or maybe he did and Yoongi wasn’t paying attention which was a usual enough occurrence that people just stopped telling him things. Seokjin had been the one for atleast seven girls in his life little did the poor things know… Seokjin was gay not that he wouldn’t fuck a girl or two when the need arises because human nature is human nature and a horny boy will look for a hole to stick his dick in and when the girls boast of Seokjin’s skilled tongue and sizable dick Yoongi smirks his amusment.

At 4am in Seokjin’s spare bedroom Yoongi’s phone rings and several things happen because Yoongi had been awake since 2am in Seokjin’s spare bedroom shooting heroine into his arms and fading in and out of consciousness and when his phone rings and Yoongi answers it he can’t help but sob at the familiar deep velvety voice that calls to him over the line.

It simply his name hanging in the static of the line and Yoongi looks up as if he could see the deity that controls the universe and had proved his theory to be right. That if he was reckless Taehyung would come to him but a phone call isn’t enough so as Taehyung screams on the other line for Yoongi to answer him Yoongi sobs as he presses Seokjin’s beautiful sharp silver straight blade to his wrist over and over and he may have screamed but his face is numb and the drugs are making him hazy but he whispers through hiccupping sobs to a still screaming Taehyung…

“Come find me”


	3. 3

3

Yoongi’s eyelids feel heavy and swollen and his head hurts as if someone had trampled him but just there on his head. His body shook with its usual need for the poison that left the scorch marks in his veins and show up purple on his skin. His wrist is tender but his fingers work so it must not have been too bad.

He also isn’t in a hospital but in the bed in Seokjin’s spare room although he is hooked up to an IV and his arm is patched up and his brain is muddled with whatever is still working it’s way through his system.

Last night’s events didn’t escape his memory and with his eyes still firmly shut Yoongi offered up prayers that he wouldn’t have to sacrifice blood again for Taehyung to finally show. It’s still about Taehyung and it has always been about Taehyung and it will always be about Taehyung. He consumes his every thought a wild fire through his mind eliminating the mundane thoughts and injecting itself into every scenario and crevice in his mind till everything is Taehyung Taehyung Taehyung and this is only one morning in Yoongi’s history of Mornings waking with the name on his lips and in his head and in his heart.

Yoongi doesn’t know what it is with Taehyung. He had many friends many neighbours childhood buddies and class mates but none of them not even Seokjin had controlled his every thought the way Taehyung did.

They had never been together in the biblical sense nor does Yoongi think they will ever be. He isn’t under any delusion that Taehyung will come running into his arms and they will live happily ever after. No its much too complicated for that. Taehyung is sick… Yoongi is sick…. They are terminal together.

Taehyung has been an inpatient on and off for years and Yoongi has always known and he has never accepted it because Taehyung left for years and had never once made sure Yoongi was okay and he was forced to deal with his sickness on his own with the remnants of what Taehyung had forced on him all those years ago and although Yoongi is older Taehyung had been more worldly and Yoongi got hung up on the drugs and the alcohol while Taehyung left to get clean every so often and maybe the feeling in his chest…. This obsession isn’t exactly love for Taehyung but rather hatred for ruining his life but Yoongi can’t tell all he knows is that somehow Taehyung shows up when he needs him and that’s why it can’t really be hate because Taehyung seems apologetic for making Yoongi what he is and he tries to get Yoongi to get clean but Yoongi is Yoongi and had always been Yoongi and will never do what is best for him ever.

The door bell sounds through the house and Yoongi’s blood pumps faster because he knows like he knows Namjoon is not as smart as he would like people to believe and Seokjin isn’t as caring as he seems and their friend Jungkook is still far too young to be in a relationship with Jimin because Jimin is a slut and has been cheating with Hoseok for as long as Yoongi had known them and now he knows like he knows these things that on the other side of that buzzer is Kim Taehyung because he found him like he always does. Taehyung has found him again.

And when the hushed voices float to his room one of them taking on the timbre of the oceans depts. And the smoothness of his grandmother’s velvet couch Yoongi panics

Taehyung is here.

This panic is familiar. It makes him want to run it makes him want to scream it makes him want to get Seokjin to kick Taehyung out because for all his pining Yoongi is terrified of what Taehyung can do to him and Yoongi opens his eyes and then opens his mouth and hes about to scream for Seokjin when Taehyung enters the room.

He looks….

He looks….

Taehyung is taller broader tanned and beautiful. His chocolate eyes sparkle and his shaggy hair is dyed blonde and cut ridiculously with a short front and long back and waves falling every which way and it looks soft and he looks …..

Yoongi’s breath is caught in his throat and Seokjin shuffles across the room with his pen light in hand pulling a few disposable gloves from his home stash as his bedside manner shows itself and he’s asking Yoongi questions and checking his blown pupils and bloodied arms and the IV bag and then he’s leaving the room with Taehyng and Yoongi in it and Taehyung looks….

“You seem better” Yoongi’s voice is low and rough from the alcohol and disuse

“I feel better”

Taehyungs voice is just as it had always been… unique and soft but firm and deep and smooth and beautiful and Yoongi doesn’t know why that brings tears to his eyes but maybe its because while he had been here struggling to survive everyday and carry on with his Taehyung free life and he had been high and drunk and high or drunk and both and neither and one of them at a time on any given day of the week going to sleep whispering Taehyug’s name like a prayer and sighing it to salute the sun every morning Taehyung had been…. Better.

Taehyung clears his throat and sits on the end of the bed looking deep into Yoongi’s empty eyes.

“Im sorry… I wish I could take it all back.. like all of it. Fuck Yoongi I never meant for this to happen I was young and stupid and I dint know. I’m sorry”

And that jumbled mess of funny shaped characters and collection of sounds and grunts is supposed to make Yoongi feel better it’s supposed to make up for the pain and the long nights of withdrawal and the dark days when even though all is as it should be Yoongi cant see the sun and his skin itches and his fingers bleed and his body feels to heavy but to light and he’s just waiting… pining for Taehyung.

Yoongi doesn’t know what to say. So he doesn’t say anything.

It takes a few days for Yoongi to finally make it out of bed and the minuet he does Taehyung packs up and leaves and good fucking riddance to him because this is what he does and he says it’s the temptation because Yoongi is bound to use infront of him and he will have a relapse and Yoongi is selfish because he wants him to relapse with him and fall back into their old habits so Yoongi wouldn’t feel as lonely and lost and Fuck Taehyung.

Fuck Taehyung

Fuck Kim Taehyung


	4. Chapter 4

4

It’s a scene Yoongi has gotten accustomed to. This coming back to his senses as he finishes off in his girlfriend’s tight heat and Yoongi has grown bored with her and he would much rather fuck Jimin again like he did last week but Jimin is with Jungkook tonight who is still oblivious to his boyfriend’s ways so Yoongi has allowed his girlfriend to get him off for lack of better things to do.

He shoves her off and he really wants to make her leave but she practically lives his life for him and he needs someone to live his life for him because he’s definitely not doing it himself and he had already asked Seokjin and they had arrived at an impasse because Seokjin wants Yoongi to move into his spare room but he doesn’t want Yoongi’s girlfriend but Seokjin is at the hospital most days which means he cannot schedule and email and pick up laundry and suck his dick and Yoongi refuses to live that way so he’s here with a girl he does not want and veins full of drugs and a belly full of scotch and he wants to eat something just to have the feeling of something on his teeth because they feel weird and he thinks he should eat because he’s been high for days now and hadn’t exactly eaten anything but pussy for a while but his body feels like its on a floaty cresol and Yoongi cant move and his chest is heavy and he wants to get up but is willing to accept the fact that he cannot.

Of course after being ignored for a few days Seokjin shows up at Yoongi’s apartment with Jungkook and Namjoon in tow which makes Yoongi laugh because it means he’s about to be strong armed and he is as Jungkook throws him over his shoulder and in his completely incompetent state Yoongi can do nothing but let it happen while Seokjin screams insults at him and his strung out girlfriend and there are more people there maybe his girlfrend’s friends doing the same to her and Yoongi cant keep his head up so it lulls where it rests on Jungkooks back as they take him to Seokjin’s car.

His head is in Namjoon’s lap and he doesn’t even like the guy that much, they are all just acquaintances of Seokjin that Yoongi never cared to build a friendship with although Namjoon had been a purchase when life’s waves had been big and high and scary and Jungkook had on more than one occasion held Yoongi’s neck steady as he forced food down his throat to nourish his quickly vanishing body. But that isn’t what Yoongi wanted and this isn’t what Yoongi wanted all he has ever wanted was Taehyung and he left him again a few weeks ago and he hasn’t come back so Yoongi is angry and he’s hurt so he sets out to hurt every one else and as they drive him to the hospital he lets Namjoon know that he is definitely not in the same league as Kim Seokjin and that he should give up now because an upcoming tall lanky unattractive music producer is undeserving of the Kim Seokjin that being said Seokjin has been talking about Jimin and Hoseok behind their backs because he thinks that dance is a complete waste of time and maybe it’s a hobby but it is definitely not a career and while on the topic of Jimin and Hoseok Jungkook has to be the dumbest boyfriend on the face of the earth to not notice the hickies Yoongi had purposely put on Jimin’s thighs and the ones he had discovered from Hoseok on his skin and is Jungkook even fucking him at all if he hasn’t seen them and fuck is Jungkook a virgin is that why Jimin had been cheating?

Yoongi is checked in. he wants to check himself back out but he’s just high enough that they wont let him go without atleast an overnight observation and after that night Yoongi is put into inpatient care and the journey he had been avoiding for years has begun and he’s not ready… he dosnt want this.. he want’s Taehyung.


	5. 5

5

It takes eight months and Yoongi now has new puckered scars on his arms to match the countless others but it dosnt bother him.

He’s free now. Rehad had been the things nightmares were made of but Yoongi had done it and now he was free and the first thing he had to do was … well get out of there but then he had to right all his wrongs and he had many wrongs to right.

His heart stuttered in his chest as the long limbed skinny boy who had haunted his dreams and waking moments for the first two months sauntered toward him with a giant grin on his face.

His hair was an ashy brown now, still a bit too long and shaggy but not the mullet and that means improvement. Taehyung is just as beautiful as he has always been and he’s picking Yoongi up from rehab and Yoongi is scooped into a tearful hug and he can breathe a sigh of relief and content because he no longer hates Taehyung for ruining him.

Its amazing how much could change in such a short time.

Yoongi can wake up without Taehyung on his every breath and he can sleep without him plaguing his dreams and he was soon able to talk to him like they used to and Taehyung had been running his business for him and he had moved his girlfriend out and moved into Yoongi’s apartment and he had kept Seokjin updated although Seokjin refuses to speak to Yoongi and Yoongi dosnt blame him and Jungkook still speaks to him because Jungkook is Jungkook and he had always known Yoongi as Yoongi and he had always accepted that and Namjoon spoke to him a few times and he knows he was high and he dosnt blame him for what he said because Namjoon knows it to be true and had broken things off with Seokjin to find someone in his league and Seokjin hadn’t spoken to Yoongi since because Yoongi ruined him. The love of his life is gone and his young friends are weary of him and Yoongi knows he has to fix it and he fully intends too but for now….

Taehyung.

The apartment feels different but the same. It reminds him of Taehyung’s old bedroom with bright pops of colour all over Yoongi’s pristine black and white décor but Yoongi cant bring himself to mind because he has Taehyung and his head is full of thoughts and plans and his skin dosnt itch for the burn of the drug and his finger nails have grown out a bit and he dosnt feel like cutting or drinking and fuck he feels like he could breathe and its so fucking heady and he’s delirious with freedom when he pecks Taehyung on the lips and it feels so domestic with his hands in the sink full of suds as he washes up from dinner and Taehyung’s presence in his home.

He and Taehyung were not together… like they weren’t a couple they have just been friends forever and they had been through so much and after years of pining Yoongi has him here and maybe he kisses him sometimes but they are still just friends and Yoongi couldn’t ask Taehyung for more because he knows what its like.. what they are like and they both know that soon one of them will have to move out if they are to stay healthy but for now they have each other in a clean and safe place for them to be in.

It’s a few weeks before Yoongi gets his first visitor and surprisingly yet unsurprisingly it is Seokjin because Seokjin is Seokjin and he has never been able to stay mad when Yoongi was being Yoongi because Yoongi is Yoongi and Seokjin is Seokjin and that’s what they are. An immovable object and an unstoppable force or perhaps an unstoppable object and an immovable force or something to the tune of both of them are fucking stubborn and as difficult as maybe algebra or rocket science the point is Seokjin knows Yoongi is sorry he also knows that he was high and he also knows that if Kim Namjoon the man he had told himself was the love of his life had been for him he would still be there now so maybe Seokjin owed Yoongi a thankyou for flushing him out although he was high and completely out of line for saying what he did because Namjoon was beautiful inside and out and so incredibly fragile and insecure and God Seokjin hopes there is someway for Namjoon to come back but for now there is Yoongi and Taehyung and the horrible train wreck that is bound to happen with the two of them living together so Seokjin being Seokjin has to step in to be sure everyone is safe because that’s who he is.

Yoongi hugged Seokjin. It wasn’t something either of them were accustomed to but with Yoongi being gone for the better part of a year it seemed right and Yoongi could feel Seokjin not so subtly assessing him and stopping at the raised flesh running along his inner arm. They were new and Seokjin knows that and Yoongi could feel his guilt seep through the fabric of his soft sweater into Yoongi’s chest because if Seokjin hadn’t forced him in there the ugly scars wouldn’t be on Yoongis skin but Yoongi wasn’t mad at Seokjin, he could never be.

Once satisfied with his assessment on Yoongi Seokjin observed the likes of Kim Taehyung. Taehyung had always been the other friend. Seokjin and Yoongi met through their parents and became friends through disdain for them and they spent many banquets and business dinners and Christmas parties together whenever Seokjin’s parents had them all come to Degu to meet with the other rich folk. Taehyung had been Yoongi’s neighbour and they played together and went through every stage of life together from mud pancakes in the back yard to beers under the stars to cigarettes in the school bathroom to weed in the park to coke and heroin in a back alleyway to prostitutes and sex and drugs and sex and money and coke and sex and drugs and drinking till the entire past of Taehyung and Yoongi was blurred together in an art piece that felt like pain and looked like colourful vomit on a dirty street corner and Yoongi’s parents didn’t care because Yoongi worked miracles and kept up his grades although he was high and went to business meetings although he was drunk and got things done although he was balls deep in pussy. Taehyung couldn’t and so he was sent away.

And at first Yoongi didn’t know where he was and Yoongi asked if he could come on Taehyung’s next vacation and Taehyung smiled at Yooni and told him he wouldn’t like the place and that room service was horrible and the lighting was bad and the workers had strange uniforms and he never left his room anyways and Yoongi wondered why he wouldn’t just pick a different hotel till one day Taehyung’s mother left her phone on the coffee table at his parents house, she called to ask for it back and that she was coming back over to get it and when the call ended the message filled the notification screen that told Yoongi just what kind of hotel Taehyung had been at all this time.

Taehyung seemed happy and at home in Yoongi’s kitchen sipping on a steaming mug of blonde roast with almond milk and cinnamon but Seokjin being Seokjin and that means that Seokjin sees more than he should sees the redness between Taehyung’s fingers where his pinky is balancing the cup and the slight tremor in his hand when he sets it down. He sees the way he moves his tongue around in his mouth as if it wont sit right and the stickiness at the corners of his mouth that screams dehydration. Taehyung was no longer clean and Yoongi was in his clutches.


	6. 6

6

It’s the picture of domestic bliss till its not.

Yoongi has rented an office space so he no longer works from home he does his own laundry and schedules his own meetings and sends his own emails. He stopped fucking around and he has spoken to Jimin about seeking help for his lifestyle. He has dinners with Seokjin and he has been slowly getting Namjoon to come back and Jungkook is a constant in his life now and Hoseok had settled down with a girl from his dance studio a studio that both Yoongi and Seokjin helped him start and Taehyung has bought a small bakery like he always wanted to and everyday is beautiful while Yoongi is clean.

Its been a year since he left the hospital and with Taehyung and Seokjin and Jungkook it really never seemed hard. Its like he was never on it. He dosnt see bottles of liquid poison and feels the need to drink it and he dosnt see the junkies in the back alley of his office building late at night and feel like he needs to be there. Hes seen his ex girlfriend a few times to and she is still high but she seems okay otherwise and he dosnt feel like he needs her anymore.

Hes been home to see his parents and they seemed surprised that he was willing to spend anytime with them at all and it was stiff and weird at first but then Yoongi mentioned his vacation and his mother burst into tears and she was so proud of him that Yoongi felt overwhelmed and he had never felt that way from his mother’s praises before and he loved the feeling so Yoongi promised to drop by again and he promised to stay clean.

And he kept that promise….

Taehyung was in the bathroom. He spent a lot of time there after meals and he says he just needs to unwind sometimes and Yoongi took that to mean that he was rubbing one out because for all the domestic bliss they had swirling around Yoongi’s massive black and white decorated apartment with touches of Taehyung in it, Yoongi and Taehyung are not where not and will not be a couple.

Its what they keep telling themselves although everyday they come closer to crossing that line and they get flustered and heated with things that they both have to give but wont give to each other.

Except Taehyung isn’t thrusting into his fist when Yoongi passes by the slightly open door and he dosnt mean to look but Taehyung was careless and Yoongi hears the click of the lighter and he knows but he walks away because Yoongi wont lose Taehyung again.

Taehyung is humming in the kitchen looking soft and cosy in his grey sweat suite and fluffy brown hair and hes scrambling eggs to throw over the fried rice and it smells amazing so Yoongi walks up behind him and kisses the back of his neck and hums as he secures his arms around Taehungs waist.

Taehyung smiles and kisses the top of his head and Yoongi blushes hiding his face between his shoulder blades.

They sit at the kitchen island and chat while they eat and neither of them are going into work today and they plan to watch movies and sleep all day then Yoongi is going out with Namjoon and Hoseok.

Yoongi watches as Taehyung picks up rice with his chopsticks and sees that Taehyung’s once beautiful elegant hands are covered in red and purple bruises and the tips of his fingers are an odd dark blue and the once smooth skin is now wrinkled and Taehyung’s collar bones are more pronounced and there are bags under his eyes and his pupils are dilated and Taehyung is…

Taehyung is high and it hits Yoongi square in the chest because he dosnt know what to do and how to help and Taehyung is high and Yoongi is sober and Taehyung has left him again.

Yoongi shakes himself out of it and announces his change of plans but this is the part that reminds Yoongi that with Taehyung he is never the one in control.

Its an odd series of events that now has Yoongi’s face pressed against his shower wall with the hot water cascading over his entire body while Taehyung takes him from behind and Yoongi isn’t enjoying it but he isn’t capable of voicing that at this very moment because the only thing keeping Yoongi standing is Taehyung’s body behind him and Yoongi’s legs are jelly and his muscles don’t work and hes nauseous and hot and his heart feels too big for his chest and he wants to fight back but..

Yoongi recognises it right away. The inky black substance that is now injected into his veins is definitely a mix he used a lot as a teenager with coke and heroin and something else that makes him feel high and fidgety but unable to move at the same time and his muscles twitch with uncertainty and…

There was supposed to be a meeting today wasn’t there? Or was it his day off and…

How long had it been since he’s spoken to Seokjin and..

Suddenly Yoongi is gasping himself awake. Taehyung is passed out beside him and his arm itches and his head hurts and his ass hurts and Taehyung is the picture of contentment and pleasant slumber and Yoongi has to leave has to get out has to leave has to leave has to…

He searches franticly for his phone. Seokjin Jungkook Namjoon anyone please… has to leave has to leave.

“Don’t bother looking for it Yoongi in fact I need you to not leave here for a few days” Taehyung is awake.

“If you don’t Yoongi that means you don’t listen to me … and you know I don’t like to be ignored Yoongi… you don’t want me to leave again do you?”

Taehyung’s speech is slury with sleep but he’s threatening to leave again if Yoongi dosnt stay and hes telling him not to call his friends and he’s going to get him high again maybe fuck him again and a shiver of something runs along his spine and Yoongi dosnt know what to do so he settles back into the bed.

“Good boy… we don’t need anyone else baby” Taehyung is stroking his hair and its soft and nice and he and Taehyung had been toeing this line for so long that maybe it was time they threw caution to the wind and have each other in the way they always wanted. Yoongi has always wanted Taehyung so who cares if he drugged him up and took what was his and Yoongi sighed and smiled into Taehyungs touch because Taehyung was right Yoongi didn’t want him to leave.


	7. 7

7

Namjoon is sitting at Seokjin’s dining table as he watches him pace back and forth still dressed in his scrubs with a bit of blood on it his stethoscope dangling from his neck knocking on his name tag as he walks… paces across the carpeted floors.

Namjoon had called Seokjin that morning because he had finally gotten over his pride and his worry for Yoongi had outweighed everything.

Yoongi has gone awol and it has been over a month and they know he’s okay because his email account is still linked to Seokjin’s and he can see that he has been working but he wont answer any messages and he wont answer calls and he has moved out of his apartment and Taehyung says he dosnt know where he is but he’s lying… Seokjin knows he’s lying and he’s guilty because he knew this would happen but he let Yoongi and Taehyung live together anyway because they are both adults and for all Seokjin’s mothering hes not a mother, hes not Yoongi’s mother and he hoped he was wrong but he wasn’t and now Yoongi may be in trouble or trouble may be in him and that is trouble spelt capital TAEHYUNG.

Hoseok walks in with his girlfriend and Jimin and Jungkook is behind them looking a lot bigger than he was and he was already big but now he’s grown so much and he looks tired as he works with the rest of them trying to find Yoongi and it feels like only a few days ago that Yoongi had gone off on a drug fuelled rant about Jungkook being Young and naïve but he had grown up quickly after that and now he’s a man.

“I followed Taehyung from his bakery. He’s living in a small place near Yoongi’s office building.” Jungkook announces

“he also sent an email using Yoongi’s account recently so maybe he dosnt know you can see them” Namjoon says.

Taehyung must be preventing Yoongi from seeing them. He must be keeping Yoongi somewhere and they know Yoongi will stay because when it comes to Taehyung Yoongi would do anything and Yoongi being Yoongi wouldn’t think before he does it and Taehyung being Taejyung wont make it nice.

“Can we try asking Yoongi if he’s okay through email?” Jimin asks

And its an idea but if Taehyung see’s it Yoongi may be in trouble and they don’t know whats happening but they are desperate so they pull out Seokjin’s laptop and send him an instant message and surprisingly they get an instant response.

**Min Yoongi**

**yoons@minltd.com**

Good. Better. I just need time

**Kim Seokjin**

**drkimS@seoulteachinghospital.net.sk**

Where are you Yoongi?

**Min Yoongi**

**yoons@minltd.com**

Where I belong

**Kim Seokjin**

**drkimS@seoulteachinghospital.net.sk**

Is Tae with you

_Yoongi is offline _

Jimin burst into tears and Hoseok’s girlfriend stands idly to the side as the small group of friends try to figure out how to help Yoongi if they could help Yoongi and its all fucking stupid that not one of them know what to do in a situation like this and what if they involve the police will they lockYoongi up? The drug is illegal after all and is Yoongi on drugs? He has to be if Taehyung is involved but Taehyung is working and he usually cant when he’s high so what’s happening?

Seokjin’s phone rings and Yoongi’s name lights up the screen and Seokjin’s heart is in his stomach as he slides his thumb to receive the call and all he hears is static so he puts it on speaker and still nothing but then faintly he hears Taehyung shouting and then a crackle then a soft voice

“_come find me”_


	8. 8

8

Yoongi lays flat on the dirty carpet of the shitty apartment Taehyung has moved them to and it was gradual so maybe that’s why Yoongi couldn’t tell the difference because it started off with Tahyung and Yoongi getting high together and making out then having sex then getting high again and Taehyung was on different stuff now so he could work and he continued pumping Yoongi full of speedball in the evenings and so Yoongi only had mid day to work before Taehyung came home shot them both up and fucked him again and he wondered if this is how his girlfriend felt and he feels guilty because yes she did drugs for herself Yoongi had never tried to get her to do anything she didn’t want Yoongi never tried to get her to do anything at all she was there on her own accord but Yoongi still felt guilty.

Soon the high fuck fest started involving alcohol and other people and Yoongi being fucked by other people and Taehyung fucking other people and Taehyung watching while other people fucked Yoongi and then a fist to his face because he looked like he enjoyed it to much and gradually the beatings got worse till one day Yoongi wore he would never be able to see out of his left eye again nand the handprints on his neck and thighs may as well be tattooed there for how long and often they remained and Yoongi has access to his phone and laptop but Taehyung monitors every call and email and Yoongi remembers what he always forgets when Taehyung leaves him.

He is afraid of Taehyung and always has been.

Taehyung comes through the door at his usual time and Yoongi has already deleted the messages he sent to Seokjin although he didn’t say anything incriminating. He just wanted to talk to someone other than Taehyung.

Taehyung looks pissed as if he already knows what Yoongi did and Yoongii can only blink slowly at him as he comes across the room and effortlessly yanks Yoongi up by his arm squeezing tight and throws him on the couch then turns to go to the back room where he keeps his stash of the black liquid he injects into Yoongi’s veins. He blinks and Taehyung is in front of him tying a stretchy band around his upper arm and pushing the needle into his vein and the burn is just as bad everytime and his head feels light as it enters his system and he’s still blinking at Taehyung even when his head is snapped to the side from a slap across his pale cheek and the pain is slow to come to him and when it does he opens his mouth on a silent scream before another slap joins the first.

His thinking and breathing is slow and he can feel every pump of his blood as it flows through his body and an idea is trying to form in his head its slow but clear and Yoongi pulls his phone out discretely and shoves it between the cushions when Taehyung turns to snort whatever he’s snorting and then Taehyung flips him over like he usually does with his face shoved into the pillows and Yoongi’s clumsy thumb is dialling Seokjin’s number and he only has a second to confirm it before he hits the call button and Taehyung is doing lines off his sweaty back and screaming his pleasure before he roughly enter’s Yoongi’s small hole. And Yoongi gasps as he tries to pull the phone closer to his mouth and whispers “come find me” and he wants to say please and he wants to beg whoever will listen to him to please just fuck… please.. let Seokjin find him.


	9. 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Final chapter and maybe ill come back to this fic or maybe not but like i said it was a drabble some word vomit because today is hot and im full of iced coffee and i needed something to do with my brain this is also unedited so i apologize for mistakes

9

They involve the police. They had too because clearly Yoongi isn’t where he wants to be and he definitely isn’t where he needs to be and Seokjin hopes they can find him soon because it had already been three days and they still hadn’t found them. And Taehyung hadn’t been by his bakery and Yoongi’s emails have gone unanswered and Seokjin is beginning to fear the worst and the police are not being helpful and the media has gotten wind because Yoongi is still one of the Yongest billionaires in all of Korea and he is still missing and someone has leaked news about his drug use and someone has leaked news about his relationship with Taehyung and Seokjin dosnt know if to be horrified or pleased by the accuracy because the reports all say that Taehyung and Yoongi are toxic together and maybe the reports had come from his parents or Taehyung’s parents for how accurate it was and Yoongi is painted in as the victim of a horrible yet passion fuel crime that has people all over the world taking sides and starting campaigns and Seokjin hopes he sees this hopes somehow he could get himself seen surely he’d be recognized but he’s not the one that’s seen. He’s not the one they recognised.

The police had found Taehyung.

Taehyung is dead.

_Soo BanWoo 73 year old restaurant owner observed a young man acting suspiciously at 5am this morning as he was setting up his chairs. The Young man looked drunk and stumbled a bit under the weight of whatever he was carrying in a duffle bag. The Young man opened his car trunk and put the bad in then drove away. Concerned about the drunk driving Soo BanWoo contacted the authorities who apprehended the suspect near the office building of the missing billionaire Min Yoongi. The suspect was later identified as Kim Taehyung who was tased while trying to flee the scene. Unfortunately Mr Kim had been under the influence of several types of illicit drugs which lead to his seizure and untimely passing in police custody._

Taehyung is dead.

It isn’t long before the second report comes in about the findings in the duffle bag Taehyung had put into the trunk and Seokjin breaks down in the bathrooms at the hospital as he pictures Yoongi’s small pale body being stuffed into a bag and dragged down the stairs and thrown into a trunk and left there while this entire ordeal went on. As the love of his life was tased and seized and died a mere foot away from where Yoongi’s own prone body lay and the hours it had taken for the police to impound the car and find Yoongi’s body inside. And the officers made excuses for not searching the car on the spot as the nation rose together in outrange for the illtreatment of the young Min Yoongi. Min Yoongi who had tried so hard to get clean and be his mothers pride and who had fallen at the hands of a monster who used to be his best friend the softest sweetest man Yoongi had ever known who had become something Yoongi always knew he was capable of but chose to ignore because he loved him. But that is the past.

Taehyung is dead.

But Yoongi is okay…..

**Author's Note:**

> THIS FIC HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH HIM BUT HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY JUNGKOOKIE  
also im aware that i may have spelt heroin as heroine sorry


End file.
